Take It Easy!

؜

Drink one after work. Drink one before work. Drink a few during work. Drink a couple after dinner. Drink a few while you watch TV at midnight. Get good sleep, then drink another. Then quit your job.

Then ask for it back.  You didn't think it through.  Your boss understands; he knows he's been pushing you guys lately. He knows what it's like to just want to drop everything and move out to a cabin in the woods.  He did something similar when he was in your position. You're grateful that he understands.

He's actually a pretty reasonable guy. You weren't trying to stick it to him or anything when you quit, you just thought there must be more to life than this, and you wanted to do something spontaneous. But thinking about that now, you realize it's trite.  What more is there? Yea, surely there are people doing crazy adventures and being famous and stuff, but those are the exceptions. And you know, you have done some cool things. You're not a totally boring person.

Honestly, compared to most people, you've been pretty bold--you've taken some chances, some risks. You're not a coward. You're not a hero, but maybe you would be if life gave you that kind of challenge. You doubt it, but maybe you would be. Maybe you would be the guy on the subway that tackles the nutjob with the gun.  Maybe that's not just a fantasy. It could happen.

But right now there's a strand of spiderweb stringing down from the shelf, down to the lamp, then down to the chair, then down to the floor, and it's swaying like the branch of a weeping willow, and you still have most of the same problems you had a decade ago, and it's time to eat something.

Ring Dings, maybe, from the bodega. Or Ding Dongs, which are only slightly different, but much harder to find (it's possible that they cost more at wholesale, such that the bodega purveyors are less incentivized to buy them, knowing that they'll go stale at the same rate as the Ring Dings, whose brand Drake's carries maybe fractionally less public recognition as compared with Ding Dongs' Hostess.  Perhaps Drake's is simply more tenacious in pursuing the bodega wholesale sector*). But you'll have the Ring Dings, since they're available, and you might have milk, and it might be lactose-free, or you might say screw it and have the regular milk, or just skip it, maybe just water, or maybe a Tenuto 7, or maybe all of the above.

*It might be because Ding Dongs are airier, less dense, and more subject to being crushed in the rough & tumble lifestyle of a bodega treat. In any case, the price differential is unverifiable since, unlike Ring Dings, Ding Dongs are presently out of stock on nearly every wholesale purveyor's public-facing website. It's possible that Hostess has supply chain issues at the moment, or perhaps they just focus less on the Ding Dong, knowing they can cruise on their much more famous Cupcake and Yodel products. Perhaps Drake's, by contrast, is like the 24hr diner of the snack cake world--forever having dozens of different items in stock, ready to serve any dish at whatever time (Salmon w/ Haricot Verts at 3AM; Patty Melt with Cheddar On Rye at 11AM; Blueberry Pie with French Fries at 2PM), albeit of a less delicate quality.

So try one today!!  :)